LGBTQ+: A Q&A Session About Bisexuality
Happy Pride Month, Lads!
I’ve never done a post about being bisexual because I don’t have a “coming out” story, but it’s always been a part of me and my personality. I thought I’d do a bit of a post, though just to talk a bit about it and my experience of bisexuality.
I really wanted to write this but didn’t have a clue what to write or what sort questions people would want to be answered. So, I did what any savvy blogger would do, I roped my friends into it by asking them to ask me questions on bisexuality, no holds barred, no questions I wouldn’t answer and I have to say they came up with quite a few and all of them interesting. So, the rest of this post will be made up of questions I’ll be answering from my friends.
If you have any questions you’d like me to answer, or are a member of the LBTQ+ community and would like to feature on my blog and tell your story then please contact me using the social media links at the bottom of this page, or alternatively, you can use the contact me section of the blog.
When Did You Realise You Were Bisexual?
I always have been, even as a kid I would have crushes on both boys and girls. In primary school, I had boyfriends and girlfriends. I would hold their hands, kiss their cheeks, but never the lips because…cooties!
There was never a specific moment that I realised, no one ever questioned it and when I eventually said, “By the way, I’m bisexual.” People that knew me were like, “No shit, dipshit.” I felt like I HAD to say it, I don’t know why, but at that time I was just like I have to say it. The first person I said it to was my partner who just burst out laughing and said something along the lines of what I said above.
The next person I told was my cousin, Wayne. He came out to me as gay when he was 14 so I thought I owed it to him as when he told me he was gay, my response was, “I know, I’ve known since you were like 5.” Looking back now I feel like that was a bit insensitive as I know it took a lot for him to say it out loud, but I hope it made him feel less scared about telling people in our family.
He came out fully when he was around 17 (I think) to the rest of the family. We have got an amazing family, who for the most part were very supportive, apart from one or two people that needed a bit more time to come around, but everyone is fully accepting of him now and he’s just Wayne. His sexuality doesn’t define him as a person, or as a member of our family.
What Do Your Family Think About Your Bisexuality? Do They Accept You?
I’ve never sat my dad down and been like, “Big B, I’ve something to tell you… I’m bisexual.” Because I don’t have to. I’ve been in my dad’s presence and seen Angelina Jolie or Jenna Dewan on TV and been like, “She’s fucking hot.” My dad is usually just like, “Coley, don’t swear.” Or something about my potty mouth.
I’m, in his words, “my wee daughter” and shouldn’t swear, haha. I honestly think he’s well aware of my love for the female of the species and it wouldn’t make a difference. If I murdered someone, then there would be an issue, but I think I’m good unless I decide to become the female version of Dexter and start chasing down all the paedophiles and animal abusers.
As for the rest of my family, I’m just Coley. The eldest grand-daughter, the smart one (first to go to uni), the weird one (I’m really fucking weird, but so is my wee brother, haha) and the one that’s a total fucking gobshite and I honestly think they do sometimes wonder why someone hasn’t clotheslined me, yet.
What Do Your Friends Think of You Being Bisexual?
I’m a bit gutted that no one has been like, do you fancy me? Just kidding, I’d boot them out of my life so fast if they said that to me and were being deadly serious. I have said this a million times and I’ll say it until the day I die, I have the best bunch of friends anyone could ask for. From my school friends to my friends I made in my teens, to friends I’ve met through work, uni and blogging, I have THEE BEST friends. All open-minded, accepting, beautiful bastards, the lot of them. I make friends for life, not just for Christmas.
What’s It Like Being Bisexual?
Being bisexual is my normal, I’ve never found it difficult to express my sexuality in any way and for the most part, I am sexually confident. My OG followers will remember my post on masturbation and how to check your boobies in aid of Breast Cancer Awareness Month (it’s October, for those that don’t know.)
I experience prejudice, like other members of the LGBTQ+ community. However, I personally do not think that bisexuality gets the amount of crap that being gay, lesbian or transgender does.
Do You Experience Prejudice?
Have You Ever Been Attacked for Your Sexuality?
I’m extremely lucky that I’ve never personally been physically attacked, but as mentioned above I have experienced prejudice.
- “You’re just greedy”
- “It’s a phase”
- “It’s not a real sexual orientation”
- “What so your half lesbian?”
Then there are the creeps, ALWAYS men, “You just need a good fuck with a dick. Let me show you what you’re missing out on.” Trust and believe I’ve had a “good fuck” with a real penis and with the toy version, with BOTH genders. No one wants your ugly phallus impudicus (common stinkhorn, Google it), cheers. The one that gets me the most is, “You’re Just Confused!” No love, you’re fucking confused, that or you are just dumb as shit.
It breaks my heart to see comments about other members of our community being beaten, abused and even worse, murdered for choosing to love who they want to love.
What was Your First Girl on Girl Experience Like?
How Did You Feel After?
She was a one night stand, I met her on a night out and we were texting for a while. I was seeing my ex, we’ll call him B at the time and we split up for the second or third time and I had just had enough of men. I text her asking if we could meet up for a girly night with loads of Magners (my drink of choice at the time), a Chinese and a few horror movies. She told me to go to hers, I did, we had a good time, kissed, one thing led to another and well, you know the rest.
Afterwards, I was TIRED but very happy! It’s a very different experience than being with a man as ladies can keep going if they want for as long as they want. I don’t think I told her she was my first, and we saw each other a few times after, but she just wasn’t the sort of girl I wanted to be in a relationship with. I don’t do well with clinginess and she became very clingy so I had to stop before it got too far and she got really hurt. Still had amazing memories with her and she’ll always be my first.
What’s It Like For Your Partner Knowing That You Are Into Both Sexes?
– Spoiler alert –
I’m married and have been for nearly 10 years, so I think he’s pretty used it, haha. In all seriousness, I comment more on hot women than he does. I’m not shy about it either, when we’ve watched porn together I’d say, “She’s fucking hot!” He is usually just like, “Yeah, she’s alright.”
When we used to go out, before we both became teetotal bores that are in our PJ’s by 6 pm, it was very obvious that we were a couple so I wasn’t approached by anyone. At least I hope that’s why, and not because I’m just butt ugly, haha. Actually, I have got a really bad RBF (Resting Bitch Face) so could have been that…
Does Your Partner Worry You Will Cheat With The Other Sex?
Does This Cause Insecurities With Whether They Meet Your Sexual Needs?
If he does, he has never come out and said it to me. We have an understanding that any form of romantic contact with someone else without the other knowing is considered cheating.
No, I’ve never given him a reason to feel insecure about our relationship in or out of the bedroom. He’s a very private person, whereas I’m an open book and talk openly about sex and everything else so I won’t go into detail because it’s private to us, but there have never been any complaints in that area with us.
People Say That They Are Born Gay or Heterosexual, Where Do You Stand With This Being Bisexual?
I fully believe that your sexuality is part of who you are, but it doesn’t define you. I see it almost like a personality trait of sorts. It shouldn’t impact the way someone thinks of you the way that it currently does.
I don’t surround myself with anyone that is homophobic in any way, get rid of toxic people in 2019.
I’ve seen it happen, though, where someone has found out that their “friend” was a lesbian or gay and they’ve immediately gone on the offence with them, “Oh, I can’t be friends with you anymore. It would make it too awkward.”
There have even been the insane people that when asked why have responded with, “Well, you could be sexually attracted to me and I’m not into guys/girls/the same sex.” My response to any of my friends that have sent me screenshots (it’s usually a message because no one nowadays has a set of balls between them) has always been:
This is what you say back to that:
“Don’t fucking flatter yourself, love. You aren’t my type, I’m not into homophobic, egotistical dickwads. Much love, XO”
Block and delete that absolute toilet.
– Just a Belfast Girl, 2008 – 2019
Do You Have A Preference?
If You Were Single And Got To Choose Your Ideal Partner Would They Be Male or Female?
Or, Would It Be Based On Personalities and Other Attributes Other Than Their Gender?
I’ll answer these in order:
I don’t have a preference, to be honest. I remember telling someone I was 50/50 completely in the middle when it came to being attracted and wanting men or women.
My ideal scenario would be to be in a committed relationship with Jamie Dornan and Demi Lovato. They could share me, IN MY DREAMS. Give me a ring Jamie & Demi, we could 1000% work this situation out.
Yes, sexual attraction is important, but for me, it’s someone I can have a laugh with, someone who is intelligent, open-minded, and career orientated. It doesn’t matter the gender, but I have had more boyfriends that I have had girlfriends. You’d be surprised how hard it is to find a female in Northern Ireland that is either bisexual or lesbian that has those traits. Maybe I just haven’t found her.
I’m a weird bean, my thought process is a mystery to the majority of people that know me (apart from my doggo, he fully gets me). I don’t experience or see things the way others do, and a lot of my feelings towards things or behaviour stems from my childhood.
I experienced a shit tonne from a young age so I grew up quick, and a lot of my logic is down to me being very analytical. I need facts, I need to know everything there is to know about a problem in order to solve it or give advice if I’m being asked for it. Then there’s my PTSD, which is a whole other meteorite on its own.
It’s important the person I am with understands me, I know it can be frustrating and I’m VERY passionate about a lot of things and go into it with a very positive, this is gonna be amazing, attitude and then when I get bored or fed up with it I hate everything about it, haha.
With all that being said, I adore my family and friends and I’d take a bullet for the people I love and I want to save all the dogs, horses, goats and sloths in the world and have a big house by the sea with acres of land that they can all live happily in. If you know someone rich enough for that dream, send them my number, my husband can be the butler.
As my readers, friends and family know, I have a really wicked sense of humour. It’s very dry, I’m VERY sarcastic and I laugh at things others would no doubt find immature, like pictures of phallus impudicus. My partner and I have a good laugh every day, without fail one of us will say or do something to make the other laugh, even if we’ve been fighting.
I need that, laughter really is the best medicine and to be honest I read and watch a lot of awful shit about paedophilia and true crime because of my chosen career path. I’ve become very densitised to it lately which has worried me, but my partner and friends have always been able to make me laugh. A special shoutout to my little, non-biological sister, Lauren there isn’t a day that goes by that she doesn’t have me snort laughing.
When You are In A Relationship With One Gender Do You Ever Find Yourself Comparing To The Opposite Gender?
And/Or Wishing/Wondering What It Would Be Like If This Person Was a Specific Gender?
I don’t compare if I am honest. Every relationship is different, every memory is different and every experience is different. Do I think of my exes? Absolutely, I’m on good terms with 80% of my exes as I’ve always taken the attitude that if it isn’t working and it ends, it ends on good terms or as amicable as possible.
I don’t think what if my current partner was female, because to be honest, he’d be a fucking nightmare woman. I’d end up power bombing “her”, honestly. Jesus that is actually such a scary thought…
With exes, no I haven’t thought about them as a different gender. I’m all about the person I am with. In the sense that, I experience it with them. I don’t waste time on exes, if I have had a crush on someone I do think, “I wonder what it would be like to be with them.” Although, gender doesn’t come into it, just them as a person. I hope this makes sense and answered the question, but you can let me know and I’ll try to explain it in another way (directed to my friend, she knows who she is haha).
If You Were Single and on a Dating Website, Would You Have a Preference that You would be in the Market to Meet?
The thought of being single, again fills me with so much anxiety it actually makes me physically ill and on the cusp of a panic attack. I honestly think if I become single again I’ll be the crazy bitch with lots of the dogs that has one night stands every now and again. Maybe I’d even go as far as to get IVF by myself so I could have a kid or two.
However, if I chose to do the dating site thing I’d probably just want someone super fucking rich. HAHA, I’m kidding…kinda.
In all seriousness, no, it wouldn’t matter. If they tick the boxes, they tick the boxes and it’s the person that’s important, not their gender.
To my friends for these amazing questions, to you and the reader.
Last but not least to pioneers of the LGBTQ+ community, this post is dedicated to you sexy bastards. Thank you for making it so we are able to choose love and be who we want to be.
A special dedication to all our LGBTQ+ who lost their lives as a result of homophobia. May you rest in peace on the rainbow of your choosing.
I love you all,