I’ve been wanting to write this one for a while but kept pushing it off as uni got in the way, life got in the way, we all know I procrastinate wayyyy too much for any normal person… Quick disclaimer, if you are easily offended don’t read this. If you’re new here, I like to talk about taboo things, but I put my own wee spin on things. If you aren’t easily offended then please continue.
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10 Things That Women Don’t Tell Their Significant Others
1.Panty Liners & Pads
Have you ever pulled your knickers down to go for a pee pee or poo poo and felt the dreadful tug of your pad ripping itself away from your skin or body hair? Yup, that. I can’t take credit for this one because it was actually the lovely Ruth Crilly that mentioned it. That’s what prompted me to write this!
2. The Blob
Speaking of panty liners and pads, I don’t mean the term for a period when I say the blob, is that an Irish term or does everyone use it? “I’m on the blob.” Anyways, it’s that feeling when something is leaving our vagina region, whether it be blood, discharge or if you got lucky, a blob of semen (as gross as I am, I struggled to write that without gagging). Ladies you all know the feeling I’m talking about, the one that makes you go, “Oh shit!” Then run to the nearest bathroom to clean yourself, change your panty liner or change your pad.
3. Stray Hair
I don’t know if this happens to women with short hair, but it happens to a lot of women I know with long hair. When we wash our hair, there is usually a lot of hair that ends up in our butt crack. Now, I HATE hair, I hate pulling hair from plug holes, my butt crack, off myself, you name it I absolutely despise it. I have really thick and long hair so it gets EVERYWHERE. I probably shed as much as my dog does, but there is nothing worse than pulling hair from your butt crack, amirite ladies?
4. Sometimes we Queef
I don’t mean the queef when you have sex and the air gets trapped and makes a farting noise. I mean when you literally make a farting noise all on your own from your vagina. I, personally, find this hilarious, but then again my friends all know my thoughts on farting.
5. The Pull Out
Yes, I am referring to the pull out method, but not in the way you think. The feeling that we get after a male partner has… how do I put this? Left his babyshake inside you. It’s like pulling out a plug that was keeping it all secure and once that plug is gone all Hell breaks loose and the babyshake wants outta there. shudder
6. The Sniffers
Some of us like to sniff bodily fluids that leave us, I’d like to point out at this time I am not one of them. I was talking to a very good friend who shall remain nameless because as much as I love winding my friends up and making them blush, I would never go as far as to break their confidence by naming them (she knows this post is coming so it’s all good).
So, when I say bodily fluids, I mean like popping a pimple on your butt cheek then smelling it, sniffing ear wax from an ear infection (or just in general), then there’s the normal discharge, pee, poo, blood and so on. You get the gist.
For the guys reading this, I’m sorry to break you, but I’m not sorry. This is something all my partners have known about me (male and female considering I’m bisexual. Is this a good time to say, “Hi da!! *waves* it’s me, your daughter, talking about gross stuff on the internet, AGAIN!”) The majority of us women very much dislike babyshake, whether it’s in the mouth, around the mouth, on the body, wherever, that shit is nasty.
We watch porn. I said it, therefore it must be true cos I’m on the internet. Seriously, though, it is. The vast majority of women watch porn, we watch all different types of porn from gay male porn, straight vanilla porn, to lesbian porn, biracial porn, fetishes and so on. There is absolutely nothing wrong with watching it provided it’s all legal and the people involved are of legal age and everything is all done above board (i.e. no “I filmed myself having sex with my girlfriend” type of thing). Just because some of us don’t choose to talk about it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.
9. Me Time
This ties in nicely with the porn watching. A vast majority of women masturbate, I did a post on masturbation when I had my northernirishgirlonline site which I’ll repost here eventually. Masturbation is healthy, it’s natural and unless you are putting an animal inside you, doing anything sexual with an animal or a child for that matter then it’s safe, legal and normal. Again, just because we don’t talk about it, doesn’t mean we don’t get our rocks off. Put it this way, could you imagine sitting down to dinner with your partner one day and they ask you how your day went, you tell them and ask them how their day was, for them to say, “Oh ya know, I wanked off a few times to one of my favourite porno’s. Then I had a shower and did the dishes”. See what I mean?
10. Friend Goals
We tell our friends EVERYTHING. That mole on your butt cheek? Your partner has told their best friend about it. Sent an inappropriate dick pic to a male or female when they didn’t ask you to? I guarantee their best friends have seen it, and probably at least 40% of their close friends know about it or have seen it. Why? Probably because you decided it was okay to send them it without them asking, and it’s not that impressive so they’re laughing at you with all their friends (male and female).
We talk about sex, too. So, it’s not just the lads that do this. All of my friends and I have the type of relationship where we discuss sex. Not just an, “Omigod I got laid last night and it was sooo good!” But we talk about sex, like our experiences, past partners, basically, everything a stereotypical male would do with his male friends, females do it too with their friends (male and female).
All for a bit of fun folks, I don’t know what I enjoyed more, writing this or finding the photos and gifs to accompany it, lol!
Hope it gave you a laugh, maybe you learned something? Don’t forget to let me know in the comments below and be sure to follow my social media for more antics.
Until next time,
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